Anthem Part 3; or, Ayn Rand Loves Making Me Nuts

I can understand that this is suppose to be a novella. Which means, according Wikipedia: "A written, fictional, prose narrative longer than a novelette but shorter than a novel. While there is disagreement as to what length defines a novella, the Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America Nebula Awards for science fiction define the novella as having a word count between 17,500 and 40,000."

So, Mrs. Rand set out to write a short novel. The trouble with that idea is that the first half of it reads like the beginning of a novel. Sections I and II of Anthem take up 51 pages out of 105. Roughly half the novel in the first two sections. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. Logically (and isn't Rand supposed to be logical?), part III would see the Wimp facing the novella's conflict, and part IV would see him either winning or...this is Ayn Rand, so winning. He is the great logical hero, after all.

So you reach part III, in which the Wimp...discovers electricity? I'm a sci-fi fan, so I find absolutely no problem with this scene. Granted, it's about now that he starts to sound like Dr. Horrible, but it's legitimate character development. It almost makes me want to have a little more respect for Rand's abilities. Wonder how the rest of part III will go...

Okay, so part III lasted exactly three pages. A little odd, I suppose, but the Wimp made his major discovery. Perhaps a very long part IV will show him introducing it to society, changing the world or some such.

...no, part IV shows another meeting with THE GOLDEN ONE *sparkles*. So far as I can see, this has absolutely no bearing on the story whatsoever. Apparently, THE GOLDEN ONE *sparkles* has given the Wimp a name: the Unconquered. If I may point out, these two have had, what, one conversation that we've seen so far? Rand doesn't hint that they've ever met again as far as I can see, so they've now had a total of two short conversations. The first established their ages (she's 17, he's 20 or so by this point) and their undying love for each other. Based off the Wimp stalking her and her being flattered.

I don't know, maybe the nickname's worth it. After all, the Ominous Councils of Ominousness have apparently destroyed human sexuality, so I suppose I shouldn't be that surprised that...

You know what? I'm going to ignore this section now. It serves no point but to infuriate me. Maybe part V will actually give me some more of that part III semi-enjoyment...

Nope. It's him discovering the light bulb and having a mental orgasm at the idea that he did it himself. And yet more purple prose from the street sweeper. Do I really have to beat that particular dead horse again?

So, he's determined to guard the light bulb and present it to the Scholars as a work he created on his own. In a society that despises such things. And that has intentionally and knowingly left behind such things. And who you readily admit would smash the thing if any but the Scholars knew of it.

...yes, I can see no possible way this could go wrong.

So, after an astonishing four pages of part V, we go on to part VI. Did the Scholars like his strange creation that he made himself nerdgasm? We don't know; before we can learn about the conflict of the story, we're treated to a scene where he's taken away to jail because he's finally caught away from the collective. They beat him within an inch of his life, but he still refuses to tell them.

Apparently, he lost his mental virginity to the light bulb and is now A MAN, because he not only survives, but keeps his secret. They put him in his cell...which is sealed with an old lock. As he breaks it, we're informed that there are no guards in the prison because nobody would defy the OCoO. Yes folks, despite the need for a prison, nobody would dare to defy...you know what? Let's just move on, nothing else happens here anyway.

Part VII is...actually important to the story, so I kind of have to talk about it. Basically, THE MAN (which I shall be calling him until something else occurs) presents his light bulb to the Scholars. Who not only reject him, but decide to kill him. See, there's this big plan written up to apparently govern the whole world's development so detailed that the introduction of the candle took 50 years and messed up the plan so badly that it had to be rewritten. I assume that you all have the mental ability to detect the stupid in this paragraph alone.

When the Scholars try to destroy his light bulb, THE MAN grabs it, breaks out through a window, then runs away into the prerequisite ominous forest despite the wounds such things tend to cause. Because, you know, all good stories need the prerequisite ominous forest. This was touched upon earlier, but I ignored it. Because, to be quite honest, aside from possible symbolism, it's not very important that it's a forest.

Blah blah blah, two more parts that could be summed up in a paragraph. THE MAN stumbles through the forest slowly starving. After he collapses, THE GOLDEN ONE *sparkles* arrives and saves him. They say outright that they love each other...

PROBLEM! How do they even know how to say this? Were I Rand's villains, I would have killed that particular word ages ago. It implies a certain depth of feeling that suggests you have it for one thing and not another. For instance, I love my mother. I like my friend Zach well enough. When you've got the entire population wrapped around your finger, probably drugged, and you want them to become collectivist drones, I don't even see the need to teach the drones how to speak at all, beyond the basics they need to be ordered around. I sure as hell wouldn't teach them the meanings of words like "love".

...let's just end this mockery of literature before I have to kill someone. Anyway, the duo find a house that, despite the tide of years, is somehow not only livable, but contains clothing and books and beds and all the conveniences one can expect. Including dictionaries, where he learns "I". I think it's supposed to be an emotional scene, but about now he switches from Dr. Horrible to a self-centered jerk. Rand's perfect man, from what I gathered.

It's also major character derailment for THE GOLDEN ONE *sparkles*. Our former proud, shining example of feminism is revealed to be...a vain and easily-dominated little lady. When she discovers a mirror, she spends long periods of time staring at herself. In addition, our newly jerkish narrator decides to give her a name. Which she docily accepts at once, without a moment's hesitation. Way to portray a positive female, Rand.

You'd expact that the woman who later wrote a book called "The Virtue of Selfishness" would have her female lead be a bit more...assertive...about her own life, if nothing else. But from the instant they escaped, she's just gone along with THE MAN in every way, shape, and form. Aside from when she was busy being vain.

THE MAN talks about freeing others from the society they just escaped. I think it's supposed to be inspirational, but it just comes off as narm to me. And then we get this delightful little passage:

"For here, over the portals of my fort, I shall cut in the stone the word which is to be my beacon and my banner. The word that will not die, should we all perish in battle. The word which can never die on this earth, for it is the heart of it and the meaning and the glory.

The sacred word:

EGO"

Do I really have to say more?