Oh I so wish this would happen. It would make a truly interesting story. Who wouldn't enjoy watching everyone's favorite hero tearing this stupid society a new one? I really wish someone would share my vision, maybe write a decent fanfic on the subject. Because I could guaran-dang-tee you that it would be better than Anthem.
Why am I stalling? Because, quite frankly, I do not want to go any further. I'd forgotten just how bad this book is. This is what happens when you let a book sit on your shelf gathering dust; you convince yourself that it could not POSSIBLY have been that bad. Nostalgia goggles blind you to just how terrible things are, I suppose.
...okay. If I keep stalling, I'll never finish this book and I can't move on to something decent. So, here we go again, back to the Land of the Stupid.
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So, when we last left the Wimp, he was moaning about his childhood. He was indoctrinated from birth, denied his favored profession, and made a street sweeper.
I want to pause (again) to make a point about just how awkwardly written this book is. I see what Rand was trying to do, once again, I really do, but there's no real reasoning behind it. (Edit: I suppose in-universe there's a reason, but I addressed this in the last post) Every "I" is replaced with "we", which is just confusing. If you give this book to someone that's an average Joe, instead of an Objectivist or a book fanatic, they stand a good chance of getting confused. I know my high school class certainly was. In addition, they refer to different characters by a random, Communistic-patriotic word followed by a string of numbers. Example: the Wimp's real designation is Equality 7-2521.
The characters, the Wimp included, read like they're saying these aloud. Or thinking them, as is more often the Wimp's case. Try saying the above example aloud. Don't know about you, but I'd say it's a tad clunky. Why can't we just call the Wimp Ted, his fellow street sweepers Bill and Dave, and the chick he meets in a little while Sally? Because, again, non-Objectivists are morons and seem to think that individual names will poison the people and break them free of their ridiculous society.
...not that I will call him Ted, of course, because I find "the Wimp" amusing.
Anyway, the plot thickens as, one day, the Wimp, Bill, and Dave find a strange grated hole in the city's cesspit. The Wimp goes down, which is apparently also forbidden, and finds himself in *dum dum dum* a subway! Not that he knows it, Rand's society having done away with such useless things as mass transport years ago, along with the power motor and common sense.
She then proceeds to break her own rules. While Dave is having a seizure, the Wimp gets Bill to promise not to tell the Ominous Councils of Ominousness about the Wimp going into the hole. I wish to remind the author that, for the past 18 pages (yes, I summed up about ten pages in a few sentences), she has been telling us how they’ve been brainwashing these kids from birth to obey the OCoO and the rules down to the last letter. Yet, suddenly, the Power of Friendship overcomes years and years of brainwashing? Rand wrote this when she was 32, though, which…isn’t young at all. I really don’t see an excuse for this wonderful example of Bad Writing.
Having made Bill promise to keep his illicit hole-entering a secret, the Wimp starts going there every night. Nobody notices, because they’re supposed to be watching Evil Communist Plays in a giant, poorly-lit, and completely unguarded theater. I choose to believe that they think they’ve subjugated all thought by this point, because other than that, I can find no possible reason for not having someone watching the doors.
Also, apparently we’re in some bizarre section of the Discworld, because the street sweepers can go everywhere unnoticed. Seriously, the Wimp tells us he’s stolen candles from the Home of the Street Sweepers and bricks from the city street. These would not be as illogical, and could be forgiven by me. Then, he tells us he’s stolen stuff from the Home of the Scholars. Did the inventory list die along with a round Earth and the light bulb? And nobody notices the Wimp stealing possibly dangerous powders and solutions? He’s not a trained Scholar; for all he knows, he’s stealing freakin’ nitroglycerine!
Again, a much more interesting story. “The Wimp Blows Up”. I’d read it.
Even worse, this guy steals, of all things, BOOKS! Hand-copied books that apparently take a year apiece to make. Nobody appears to notice him walking around with a bulge under his tunic, or whatever exactly he’s wearing in this futuristic society. If he hadn’t somehow managed to sneak off with this, I’d have assumed they all walk around naked. I would not put it past them by this point to have banned cloth-making.
At least he promotes homeschooling before he ends the first section. Apparently, he learned more in two years of being down in his hole than he did in ten years as a student. Purple prose, once again, is an exception.
Thankfully, we’re done with the first part. No more of the Wimp’s backstory! Yes! Now, we can move on to the really exciting bits, in which our moronic hero is discovered and killed, and a more interesting protagonist discovers what he did and carries on his legacy!
If only.
Okay, so, on to Section 2. Here, we’re introduced to the female lead, Liberty 5-3000. Say it with me: Liberty five-three thousand. This was not a good idea. For convenience, I do now dub her Sally. Just for continuity's sake. Anyway, Sally is described as perfect in every way as she’s…working the field. Yes, dear Sally is a farmer, which is not work truly conducive to become “straight and thin as a blade of iron”. Farming, particularly in a pre-Industrial society, was very hard work. It did not make you thin, it gave you muscles. So, for the sake of consistency, I’ll assume that all Sally does is dramatically throw seeds, as she’s doing at this moment.
So, Sally is perfectly beautiful and apparently haughty and proud, and the Wimp is enthralled. So, obviously, is she, because she’s faced with the hero. Were I in her position, I would notice that I am being constantly watched by a creepy street sweeper every time we’re in the same area and report him or something. Yet the author treats this as in no way, shape, or form creepy, despite the society they live in. Rand had a very interesting romance, I think. Probably the same kind that Stephenie Meyer went through. Also, even if I could accept the Wimp breaking free of his condition, what're the odds that his perfect gal had the exact same reaction?
*Crickets*
Anyway, after a while, the Wimp gives Sally a name: THE GOLDEN ONE *sparkles*. On second thought, let’s call her that. Sound effect included.
It is here that we learn that Rand is slipping something more than the Stupid Drug into the water in this society. Yes, friends, they’ve even regulated sex drive. How exactly do you stop a young man from getting horny without the use of powerful, mind-altering drugs? Don’t ask me, I’m not an Objectivist. Maybe they've slipped them enough stuff over the years that it's just genetic, I don't know.
Anyway, the Wimp and THE GOLDEN ONE *sparkles* eventually talk and declare their undying love for each other and go out Romeo-and-Juliet style.
Again, it would make a much better book.
No, they part here, and the Wimp returns to his hole, where he thinks about the past as he knows it. That is, as he DOESN’T know it. Here, the OCoO have actually made a good choice. You don’t let the plebs know that there was anything good in the past, or you run a bigger chance of them wanting to return there.
Here we also learn about the Unspeakable Word *drama*, the knowing of which is apparently a burning offense. What is it? We don’t know…but it’s gotta be something totally awesome, Earth-shattering, something that’ll bring the society to its knees!
…of course, remembering what story I’m reading at the moment, I doubt it. Very much.
I have to stop here. This level of badness for someone like me is worthy of an award. And people are supposed to be inspired by this?
...
...
As I search for words to end this entry, my dear reader, all I can say is "sweet zombie Jesus, I have to read more of this!" At least the Wimp gets what's coming to him in the next chapter for being Book Dumb. Maybe I'll get lucky and my memory is failing. Maybe they actually killed him, and I just forgot!
...please, Undead Christ, tell me I'm right!
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