After the sheer, raw fail that was Out of the Ashes, I almost gave up on this project. Then, as I said previously, I was revitalized by an okay movie and came back. Now, I have given up on permanently, and am ready to move on to something good, as has been requested of my by both my mental health adviser and many of my non-existent readers. At least, something I thought was good.
Jerry Ahern is another pulp writer, and that already sends up warning flags after the...experience...of Ashes. However, unlike Johnstone, Ahern actually understands his genre. Pulp books are meant to be like comic books; each issue should be kept short and sweet, and focus on satisfying the reader more than anything else, whether that be by making them think or just making them smile as things blow up. While Johnstone was too busy pushing his political philosophy in Ashes, in Ahern's own flagship series, The Survivalist, he spends the entirety of every book doing his job; entertaining the readers. And it is awesome.
Like Out of the Ashes, The Survivalist follows the adventures of a former action-man after WW3 breaks out. Both main characters, Ben Raines and John Rourke, are watching their lives fall apart around them just before the war breaks out. And both return to being action heroes following the war. However, the main character is Ahern's first great success. Why? John Rourke is actually a very likable man. He usually reacts in an understandable manner to the situations around him, and responds accordingly. In addition, his character stays relatively constant throughout the story. And, since he's usually our viewpoint character, these all combine to make him worth reading.
In fact, one of Ahern's biggest strengths is in his characters. In Out of the Ashes (expect many comparisons between the two series as this review goes on), the biggest comic relief character was Ike McGowan, a rather unfunny and foul-mouthed Reb who Ben meets halfway through the book and who proceeds to stay on the sidelines for most of the rest of the book, so as not to outshine Ben himself. In the Survivalist series, that role is handled by John's sidekick, Paul Rubenstein. Amazingly enough, Paul is actually a very funny character. Not only that, but he's an actual sidekick for John, actually proving himself to be very competent and useful in John's adventures, as opposed to just a tagalong who occasionally gets John into trouble.
Even more amazing is Ahern's handling of the Soviet characters, who appear both as villains and allies throughout the novels. In the end, the Soviets win WW3 due to some sci-fi particle beam they have developed that acts as a fairly good missile shield. They end up occupying America, and a fair enough amount of time is spent with them as viewpoints to show some of their characters. And, to be honest, I was blown away. Ahern treats everyone from the Soviet Premier to the head of the KGB in America to the female agent who travels with John and Paul for a while as actual characters, instead of the caricatures Johnstone's villains inevitably became. It was positively mind-blowing for me.
Needless to say, I could spend all day heaping praise onto this series, but I haven't got the time (school starts soon, the house must be cleaned, etc.. In the blog, I think I'll do two of the books in succession (Issue #01: Total War and Issue #02: Nightmare Begins), both because they're so good and because, like any good serial series, stories are often told in arcs. Now, this series does morph rapidly into a sci-fi series (to the point where, at some point, I believe John, his family, and Paul get cryogenically frozen and continue their adventures in the future), but that really doesn't bother me. It's that good.
Expect the first update soon. And enjoy. I know I will. ;)
Monday, August 31, 2009
Out of the Ashes Part 9; or, Rocks Fall, Everybody Dies
You know what? I've finally broken. I am going to skip every last bit of this book and just finish this thing up. This is for two reasons; 1) It's the end of August, 2) I really want to move on to something better, and 3) The last third or so of this book is just concentrated stupid. I wrote a 20-page rant about just how stupid the Rebel's new society was, and then realized that I wasn't even finished. So, I shall just write a short post to tie this up and move on. And, for the record, their society really is that badly done. In any logical world, it would have collapsed within a month.
Anyway, the sequence of events goes something like this:
1) Rebels form Tri-States (really imaginative, guys)
2) New US expands to regain most of its territory within five years, somehow.
3) New US wants to reabsorb Tri-States.
4) Tri-States doesn't like the idea.
5) New US invades Tri-States.
6) There is much rape and murder.
7) Tri-States loses.
8) Rebels regroup to destroy New US.
9) Book ends.
If I might muster one final gripe, the whole "Invade the Tri-States" event demonstrates, for any of you who might still have had doubts, the fact that Johnstone has a love of gorn that has never been equaled. He describes one New US soldier blasting out the stomache of a pregnant woman, for instance, and for some reason, any capture female Rebel is raped. Why? Is discipline so bad in the New US army that the instant there's a woman present, they stop the fighting to force themselves on her?
That's about all I can say about Out of the Ashes, which has become a candidate for "Worst Book Ever Written" by this point. Well, granted, I could say more, but that would take all day, and I doubt any of my non-existant readers want to read things thing for that long.
And now, I shall go read the entirety of The Belgariad again. I need to purge myself...
Anyway, the sequence of events goes something like this:
1) Rebels form Tri-States (really imaginative, guys)
2) New US expands to regain most of its territory within five years, somehow.
3) New US wants to reabsorb Tri-States.
4) Tri-States doesn't like the idea.
5) New US invades Tri-States.
6) There is much rape and murder.
7) Tri-States loses.
8) Rebels regroup to destroy New US.
9) Book ends.
If I might muster one final gripe, the whole "Invade the Tri-States" event demonstrates, for any of you who might still have had doubts, the fact that Johnstone has a love of gorn that has never been equaled. He describes one New US soldier blasting out the stomache of a pregnant woman, for instance, and for some reason, any capture female Rebel is raped. Why? Is discipline so bad in the New US army that the instant there's a woman present, they stop the fighting to force themselves on her?
That's about all I can say about Out of the Ashes, which has become a candidate for "Worst Book Ever Written" by this point. Well, granted, I could say more, but that would take all day, and I doubt any of my non-existant readers want to read things thing for that long.
And now, I shall go read the entirety of The Belgariad again. I need to purge myself...
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Out of the Ashes Part 8; or The Last Short Post
When we last left our Brave Republican, he had finally heard another part of the diabolical plan of evl librul Hilton Logan. What is this terrible scheme? You take the decimated population of the US, center them where he can protect them, rebuild the power of the United States, then slowly retake the country. Why is this treated as monstrous? I mean, yeah, you're kind of ordering people to abandon their land and property, but most of the nation is overrun with modern day bandits. We also have an actively rebellious force moving through the nation, looting government property and openly trying to destroy what's left of the Union. Gathering your resources and strengthening your position is actually the smartest thing you could do at this point, as far as I know. Of course, it's exactly what the Rebels do later, but then, they're Good Republicans, so they're actually doing the right thing.
So the guy acting as this section's plot exposition says that he's keeping his family right where it is. In the middle of lawless territory. When they probably have no guns whatsoever. Somebody slap this lunatic. Ben, of course, treats this as the right decision, because some of the citizens in New Africa are militant. What this has to do with living under Logan, I have no idea. The man has a mostly functional, if corrupt, army. This man could probably live well down in the New US. As a skilled farmer in a time when people will be needing food, he could probably live like a noble for years to come. Of course, we're meant to sympathize with the idiot who basically leaves his family out to dry, so he'll never take the obvious course of action. After a bit of filibuster on race relations and a little more exposition, Raines decides to visit Richmond, Virginia, the capital of the New US. This leads to one of the stupidest comments yet. Raines hides most of his weaponry, save two pistols and a rifle, since the first thing the New US will want to have is law and order, and any lawman wouldn't like the look of a man with a submachine gun. These men of the law also wouldn't like the look of a man with three times the heat they'd be carrying, either, I'd imagine.
On his way into Virginia, he's stopped three times in thirty minutes by the police. They, again, are treated like bad people because they're inspecting a suspicious vehicle containing one man with more firepower than any of them. When one of them asks for the car's registration, and Ben produces it (he filled it out at the dealership he stole it from, for some reason), it's treated like it's some kind of victory. The trooper in that example, by the way, doesn't believe a word of it, and acts as our next plot exposition. Again, Ben tells this federal agent exactly who he is and what he's done. This foul-mouthed trooper reveals to Ben that martial law has been declared, which is just terrible (why is this a bad thing? This kind of situation is why the idea was invented in the first place). Logan's sending troops into New Africa to bring it back in the Union (they're rebels against the New US government, what else are they going to do? This is also used as proof of Logan's racism). We also learn that the New US has begun to hire mercenaries to fill out their ranks. The leader of these mercs (are there readily-available mercenary armies in America? Wow...) is called Kenny Parr, whose primary sin is described as "he'll work for any flag". He's a mercenary. It's in the job description.
Logan is also rounding up guns from civilians, and we get another "gun control makes you evil" speech. It turns out that this policeman is a Rebel sympathizer, who says that they haven't done anything to warrant arrest. Let's just go over some things, shall we?
1) Ordered to destroy government property
2) Ordered to steal government property
3) Ordered to form a new nation on government property
4) Doing all three of the above
We've killed people for less.
So, Ben begins to spread a rumor through his new friend that he's dead. Why? Why on Earth is this is a good idea? The government is literally rebuilding itself from the ground up. They do not exactly have the manpower to put up a nation-wide net for Ben Raines, even with their Magical Disappearing Mercenary Armies. Despite having gone through a world-wide apocalypse, Ben Raines still doesn't seem to understand just how big such a thing it. The government. And the police. Are mostly gone. They're pulling all of their people and supplies back to a small portion of the East Coast because they can't control all of the US at present. Why convince them you're dead when you're leaving their entire sphere of influence two hours later?
He also convinces this guy, who was on the fence literally a minute ago, to join his cause. Again, all because he wrote a book years ago about creaing his own nation. Let me point out something here: just because you write about something does not make you able to personally do it. I used to write (bad) high fantasy. That does not make me able to grab a sword and start slaying dragons This is just as unlikely as a writer/soldier being able to magically pull a nation out of his hat. Everyone treats this as a foregone conclusion, that the Rebs will win. Why? Because they read the blurb on the back of the book. They know who the "heroes" here are already.
Oh, and Cecil Jeffries (anyone remember him?), his family, and Future Wife join the Rebels after the New US destroys New Africa. However, not much can be said about him. His family dies at the end, as does Future Wife, so they're pretty inconsequential, and Cecil himself is a rather bland character. The only ways to distinguish him from the rest of the Rebel leadership (who are all geniuses for some reason) are the constant references to the fact that he's black, and occasional "jokes" based off that fact.
Aside from that, though, there's absolutely no reason not to skip the several long scenes between here and Ben finally taking command of the Rebels. We'll get to that later, because despite the relatively short length of this one, I'm bored to tears at 11pm. For now, I'm finally going to sit down and watch the original The Day the Earth Stood Still for the second time. I've been meaning to do it (it's one of my favorite movies by this point), but it slipped by when I realized how much stuff I needed to do beforehand, including finishing up the latest post on my blog which nobody reads.
And tomorrow, fully recharged and having seen how you write a story properly, I shall return to tackle the worst bits of this story: the bits about President Raines. Have a good day, pleasant dreams...and go out and rent the damned movie. Seriously, 1951's The Day the Earth Stood Still is a sci-fi is a s ci-fi classic, and one of the best movies ever made. Watch it.
So the guy acting as this section's plot exposition says that he's keeping his family right where it is. In the middle of lawless territory. When they probably have no guns whatsoever. Somebody slap this lunatic. Ben, of course, treats this as the right decision, because some of the citizens in New Africa are militant. What this has to do with living under Logan, I have no idea. The man has a mostly functional, if corrupt, army. This man could probably live well down in the New US. As a skilled farmer in a time when people will be needing food, he could probably live like a noble for years to come. Of course, we're meant to sympathize with the idiot who basically leaves his family out to dry, so he'll never take the obvious course of action. After a bit of filibuster on race relations and a little more exposition, Raines decides to visit Richmond, Virginia, the capital of the New US. This leads to one of the stupidest comments yet. Raines hides most of his weaponry, save two pistols and a rifle, since the first thing the New US will want to have is law and order, and any lawman wouldn't like the look of a man with a submachine gun. These men of the law also wouldn't like the look of a man with three times the heat they'd be carrying, either, I'd imagine.
On his way into Virginia, he's stopped three times in thirty minutes by the police. They, again, are treated like bad people because they're inspecting a suspicious vehicle containing one man with more firepower than any of them. When one of them asks for the car's registration, and Ben produces it (he filled it out at the dealership he stole it from, for some reason), it's treated like it's some kind of victory. The trooper in that example, by the way, doesn't believe a word of it, and acts as our next plot exposition. Again, Ben tells this federal agent exactly who he is and what he's done. This foul-mouthed trooper reveals to Ben that martial law has been declared, which is just terrible (why is this a bad thing? This kind of situation is why the idea was invented in the first place). Logan's sending troops into New Africa to bring it back in the Union (they're rebels against the New US government, what else are they going to do? This is also used as proof of Logan's racism). We also learn that the New US has begun to hire mercenaries to fill out their ranks. The leader of these mercs (are there readily-available mercenary armies in America? Wow...) is called Kenny Parr, whose primary sin is described as "he'll work for any flag". He's a mercenary. It's in the job description.
Logan is also rounding up guns from civilians, and we get another "gun control makes you evil" speech. It turns out that this policeman is a Rebel sympathizer, who says that they haven't done anything to warrant arrest. Let's just go over some things, shall we?
1) Ordered to destroy government property
2) Ordered to steal government property
3) Ordered to form a new nation on government property
4) Doing all three of the above
We've killed people for less.
So, Ben begins to spread a rumor through his new friend that he's dead. Why? Why on Earth is this is a good idea? The government is literally rebuilding itself from the ground up. They do not exactly have the manpower to put up a nation-wide net for Ben Raines, even with their Magical Disappearing Mercenary Armies. Despite having gone through a world-wide apocalypse, Ben Raines still doesn't seem to understand just how big such a thing it. The government. And the police. Are mostly gone. They're pulling all of their people and supplies back to a small portion of the East Coast because they can't control all of the US at present. Why convince them you're dead when you're leaving their entire sphere of influence two hours later?
He also convinces this guy, who was on the fence literally a minute ago, to join his cause. Again, all because he wrote a book years ago about creaing his own nation. Let me point out something here: just because you write about something does not make you able to personally do it. I used to write (bad) high fantasy. That does not make me able to grab a sword and start slaying dragons This is just as unlikely as a writer/soldier being able to magically pull a nation out of his hat. Everyone treats this as a foregone conclusion, that the Rebs will win. Why? Because they read the blurb on the back of the book. They know who the "heroes" here are already.
I'm going to do us a small kindness and skip a lot to end this section. Suffice it to say that Raines stops ignoring the Call and decides to become the Rebel commander. He meets one more character along the way that is semi-important, so let's pause the skippage here to complain about him. Somehow, Ben meets an aged doctor named Lamarr Chase, who becomes the token "liberal" of the Rebels. I put "liberal" in quotation marks because, in practice, Chase comes off this man's idea of a "good" liberal. Namely, that he mindlessly agrees with everything Raines says, but only after about five seconds of argument. Needless to say, he's the only Rebel I ever got around to caring about, if only slightly.
Oh, and Cecil Jeffries (anyone remember him?), his family, and Future Wife join the Rebels after the New US destroys New Africa. However, not much can be said about him. His family dies at the end, as does Future Wife, so they're pretty inconsequential, and Cecil himself is a rather bland character. The only ways to distinguish him from the rest of the Rebel leadership (who are all geniuses for some reason) are the constant references to the fact that he's black, and occasional "jokes" based off that fact.
Aside from that, though, there's absolutely no reason not to skip the several long scenes between here and Ben finally taking command of the Rebels. We'll get to that later, because despite the relatively short length of this one, I'm bored to tears at 11pm. For now, I'm finally going to sit down and watch the original The Day the Earth Stood Still for the second time. I've been meaning to do it (it's one of my favorite movies by this point), but it slipped by when I realized how much stuff I needed to do beforehand, including finishing up the latest post on my blog which nobody reads.
And tomorrow, fully recharged and having seen how you write a story properly, I shall return to tackle the worst bits of this story: the bits about President Raines. Have a good day, pleasant dreams...and go out and rent the damned movie. Seriously, 1951's The Day the Earth Stood Still is a sci-fi
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Out of the Ashes Part 7; or, Johnstone is, Once Again, Outsmarted by a 17-Year-Old
Today was something of a vacation for your friend Alan. I decided to spend a day enjoying some of the finer things in life. For instance, I watched every episode of Firefly. Again. And the movie. I enjoyed spaghetti with lots of garlic. I even set myself up a play-by-post role-playing game. This is not very characteristic for me, but I decided to indulge. Why? Because I knew that, tonight, I had to spend an hour of my life listening to 15 minutes of Out of the Ashes and mercilessly ripping it a new one. Or trying to, at least.
I won't even bother stalling. I just want to get over with this, so I can move on to another book. Besides, we get new riffing material soon.
When we last left Ben, he had ignored the Call again. This is particularly stupid for several reasons. Firstly, because Raines has already shown that he believes that only those with his particular ideology deserve to rule. Secondly, because he's just discovered that Hilton Logan is planning to make himself Overlord of the Americas. Thirdly because he's already antagonized said future Overlord. And fourthly because he's the unofficial leader of the only force capable of challenging Logan's rule. Were I Raines, I would seek shelter with said force, for a very easy-to-see reason. Were I in future-President Logan's shoes, I would have every assassin I had sent to kill Raines. Instead, we have the idiot general from the last update. Why would a general personally try to kill him? Is there any reason for this man to be there, beyond his ability to expound upon the plot? Get used to stupid, folks; we don't see a competent villain for a dozen or two books.
After blowing off the Rebs, Ben heads south. Why? So he can find more material for his damned book. Why is he still going with that idea? Well, two reasons.
1) I now think that Johnstone was being paid by the word, and he really wanted that new Honda.
2) So that we can meet the future main characters.
So, Ben Goes South. He forgets the Rebels, encounters some zombies and hostiles, visits the sites of a pair of lynchings (one of a black man, one of a white man), and generally travels throughout the state. And then, the most awful thing imaginable happens. Ben tunes into a working radio station run by a man named Ike McGowan.
The station's call sign is KUNT. This treated as one of the funniest jokes in the novel.
Raines tracks down McGowan's tower, where he finds that McGowan is a former Navy SEAL who somehow survived World War 3 and managed to cobble together a working radio tower. It turns out McGowan has companions. All of them beautiful young women whose main characteristic is that they wear nothing but bikinis. And they all jiggle. That's about it.
REALITY CHECK!
Even if he is a former SEAL, what are the odds of Ike McGowan, who's weight problem is brought up many times throughout the book, surviving not only WW3, but the chaos immediately following it. And maintaining his weight, might I add. In addition, why are a bunch of nubile young women hanging around with him? It's one fat man who's broadcasting his location to the world. In any semi-realistic world, this place would have been swarmed and overtaken years ago. The women would have been carted away, McGowan would have been killed, and it wouldn't matter how good a warrior he is or how well these ladies aim. If you have the food and supplies to do all this, you are a valid target. In addition, even if McGowan somehow radiates a sheer aura of awesome that drives away any potential attackers, why would they stay with him? He's a foul-mouthed idiot who thinks he's funny. This is not the most compelling man on Earth. In fact, in the real world, I'd imagine that they'd all be dead or worse a hundred times over.
But this is Johnstone's world. In this world, a Good Republican Military Man cannot be killed unless the plot dictates it, and only then when it makes no sense for them to.
So, Ben introduced himself to the heavily armed Ike and his harem. This is a complete derailment of his character; they're pointing guns at them, yet he lets them live! And he gives them his real name! You'd think that, after the first attempted assassination, he'd be a little more wary of giving out his name, but hey, I'm trying to apply logic to Out of the Ashes. Ike, it turns out, is a Rebel. Why he's not with the main bunch who are supposedly heading Northwest is never really explained. He also introduced his harem to Raines. They're introduced, word for word, as follows.
"This one here's Tater, and that one's Junebug, and that one there's Space-Baby, and that one is Angelface. The blond is Honeypooh. That dark one all sprawled out on the floor, too goddamned lazy to get up is Bellringer. "
Does anyone else feel like they've just been looking over slabs of meat? Why the stupid names? Why are they even here? Bellringer serves a purpose; she's Ike's love interest. But what possible purpose do the rest of them serve, aside from providing fanservice? They never do anything important! YOU DO NOT INTRODUCE CHARACTERS WHOSE ONLY PURPOSE IS TO BE THERE!
*Groan*
Anyway, after that unpleasantness is over, Ike reveals that he has a working generator that gives them light. Ike is supposed to be smart; he becomes a general by the next book. Why, then, would he use electronic lights? That would bring looters like moths to a light, no matter what you broadcast on the airwaves. And why would you broadcast it anyway? Were I in this situation, I'd ignore any broadcasts offhand. What're the odds that it's bandits trying to lure you into a trap?
Leaving aside the more stupid bits, this section of the novel is completely pointless. Sure, it introduces Ike, a major character, but what is the point of it? He could have been introduced in a much better situation before or after this, if you really had to include the half-naked women. And again, why the women? Why are they almost naked?
I'm skipping ahead to the end of this little visit, because the rest of it is, again, completely pointless. Oh, I forgot; this is actually where Johnstone states his racial views while providing the tiniest bit of Ike's backstory. According to Ike-Johnstone, anyone who is a criminal or any less moral than he is is automatically given a racial slur. He's rather fond of using "nigger" to describe black villains. Aside from this though, the only thing that happens for the rest of this part of the novel is that Ben marries Bellringer, real name Megan, and Ike. Oh, and it's revealed that most of Ben's future policy comes from his books. That's right; the fictional counterpart of Johnstone is trying to live the life he wrote for his own fictional counterpart. Does this strike anyone else as creepy, stupid, and/or insane? One wonders what would have happened if WW3 had broken out during Johnstone's lifetime...
After marrying two flat characters and masturbating over the idea of Johnstone's idea of perfect government, Ike and his harem leave the tower and head of Mississippi and the new nation of New Africa. Raines starts writing his book, then starts masturbating again. He apparently does this all winter. So it's been at least a year since WW3. Ben's apparently lived off of what he salvaged back from his home for the winter he spent with Jerre, since they were apparently holed up for the entire season, and they continued to keep him until now. The narrator talks a lot about the looting the country's gone through, always in a disgusted tone, but we never actually hear Raines having to scavenge for some food. I don't know why; I can already think of a very interesting scene or two based on it. You could further develop his character, other characters also rummaging for food, force him to actually interact with the faceless masses. But no; apparently, as Ubermensch, Ben is above such thing.
Ben travels to Knoxville, where he discovers, gasp, And they're actual people working to rebuild civilization! And they're not (yet) Rebels! This provides, again, what could have been an interesting scene. It turns out that Logan is now President and resettling people into several centralized areas of three or four states, focused on getting agriculture, industry, business, etc. going again, then expanding into the West again when the nation is back on its feet. And people are going along with it. And, of course, this is treated as the stupidest thing since the Germans ignored the concentration camps.
I'll end this here, because it's getting a bit long, but I want to end with one rather pertinent thought:
Why is this a bad thing? Unless I'm missing something big, it's actually the best strategy presented in the whole series. Concentrate your power and ensure the safety of the people by bringing them into a concentrated, easier-to-defend area. Build your power, get your economy and industry back up to snuff. Then, when you're ready, expand West, using your military to crush any would-be warlords that have arisen in your absence, after giving them an opportunity to rejoin your new USA quietly. Certainly better than Raines' own plan later, which involves stretching his forces so thin that his most constant problem is lack of personnel. In fact, if we hadn't already been informed that Hilton Logan is evil, then we could continue painting him as a hero just doing what he thinks is right. And, for all we know, the general was lying. Hell, here's a scenario for you:
Rogue, pro-dictatorship elements in the Army sent a group of criminals to meet Raines and told them what to say. The criminals are told that, if they say their lines and then kill Raines, they'll be free. It's odd, but hey, it's a shot. If they killed Raines, then the Rebels, a threat to this rogue group's plans for their own personal dictatorship, are crippled. If they fail, then they ensure that the Rebels and the New US will do their damndest to kill each other. It's the perfect plan, especially when dealing with Ben Raines, who already has an insane grudge against the New US's leader, Hilton Logan, and has proven to be insanely gullible when it suits his needs.
I would love to rewrite this one day.
Well, farewell, and may all your books be better than this one. Not that it's that hard...Eragon was better than this. Hell, ANTHEM was better than this...
I won't even bother stalling. I just want to get over with this, so I can move on to another book. Besides, we get new riffing material soon.
When we last left Ben, he had ignored the Call again. This is particularly stupid for several reasons. Firstly, because Raines has already shown that he believes that only those with his particular ideology deserve to rule. Secondly, because he's just discovered that Hilton Logan is planning to make himself Overlord of the Americas. Thirdly because he's already antagonized said future Overlord. And fourthly because he's the unofficial leader of the only force capable of challenging Logan's rule. Were I Raines, I would seek shelter with said force, for a very easy-to-see reason. Were I in future-President Logan's shoes, I would have every assassin I had sent to kill Raines. Instead, we have the idiot general from the last update. Why would a general personally try to kill him? Is there any reason for this man to be there, beyond his ability to expound upon the plot? Get used to stupid, folks; we don't see a competent villain for a dozen or two books.
After blowing off the Rebs, Ben heads south. Why? So he can find more material for his damned book. Why is he still going with that idea? Well, two reasons.
1) I now think that Johnstone was being paid by the word, and he really wanted that new Honda.
2) So that we can meet the future main characters.
So, Ben Goes South. He forgets the Rebels, encounters some zombies and hostiles, visits the sites of a pair of lynchings (one of a black man, one of a white man), and generally travels throughout the state. And then, the most awful thing imaginable happens. Ben tunes into a working radio station run by a man named Ike McGowan.
The station's call sign is KUNT. This treated as one of the funniest jokes in the novel.
Raines tracks down McGowan's tower, where he finds that McGowan is a former Navy SEAL who somehow survived World War 3 and managed to cobble together a working radio tower. It turns out McGowan has companions. All of them beautiful young women whose main characteristic is that they wear nothing but bikinis. And they all jiggle. That's about it.
REALITY CHECK!
Even if he is a former SEAL, what are the odds of Ike McGowan, who's weight problem is brought up many times throughout the book, surviving not only WW3, but the chaos immediately following it. And maintaining his weight, might I add. In addition, why are a bunch of nubile young women hanging around with him? It's one fat man who's broadcasting his location to the world. In any semi-realistic world, this place would have been swarmed and overtaken years ago. The women would have been carted away, McGowan would have been killed, and it wouldn't matter how good a warrior he is or how well these ladies aim. If you have the food and supplies to do all this, you are a valid target. In addition, even if McGowan somehow radiates a sheer aura of awesome that drives away any potential attackers, why would they stay with him? He's a foul-mouthed idiot who thinks he's funny. This is not the most compelling man on Earth. In fact, in the real world, I'd imagine that they'd all be dead or worse a hundred times over.
But this is Johnstone's world. In this world, a Good Republican Military Man cannot be killed unless the plot dictates it, and only then when it makes no sense for them to.
So, Ben introduced himself to the heavily armed Ike and his harem. This is a complete derailment of his character; they're pointing guns at them, yet he lets them live! And he gives them his real name! You'd think that, after the first attempted assassination, he'd be a little more wary of giving out his name, but hey, I'm trying to apply logic to Out of the Ashes. Ike, it turns out, is a Rebel. Why he's not with the main bunch who are supposedly heading Northwest is never really explained. He also introduced his harem to Raines. They're introduced, word for word, as follows.
"This one here's Tater, and that one's Junebug, and that one there's Space-Baby, and that one is Angelface. The blond is Honeypooh. That dark one all sprawled out on the floor, too goddamned lazy to get up is Bellringer. "
Does anyone else feel like they've just been looking over slabs of meat? Why the stupid names? Why are they even here? Bellringer serves a purpose; she's Ike's love interest. But what possible purpose do the rest of them serve, aside from providing fanservice? They never do anything important! YOU DO NOT INTRODUCE CHARACTERS WHOSE ONLY PURPOSE IS TO BE THERE!
*Groan*
Anyway, after that unpleasantness is over, Ike reveals that he has a working generator that gives them light. Ike is supposed to be smart; he becomes a general by the next book. Why, then, would he use electronic lights? That would bring looters like moths to a light, no matter what you broadcast on the airwaves. And why would you broadcast it anyway? Were I in this situation, I'd ignore any broadcasts offhand. What're the odds that it's bandits trying to lure you into a trap?
Leaving aside the more stupid bits, this section of the novel is completely pointless. Sure, it introduces Ike, a major character, but what is the point of it? He could have been introduced in a much better situation before or after this, if you really had to include the half-naked women. And again, why the women? Why are they almost naked?
I'm skipping ahead to the end of this little visit, because the rest of it is, again, completely pointless. Oh, I forgot; this is actually where Johnstone states his racial views while providing the tiniest bit of Ike's backstory. According to Ike-Johnstone, anyone who is a criminal or any less moral than he is is automatically given a racial slur. He's rather fond of using "nigger" to describe black villains. Aside from this though, the only thing that happens for the rest of this part of the novel is that Ben marries Bellringer, real name Megan, and Ike. Oh, and it's revealed that most of Ben's future policy comes from his books. That's right; the fictional counterpart of Johnstone is trying to live the life he wrote for his own fictional counterpart. Does this strike anyone else as creepy, stupid, and/or insane? One wonders what would have happened if WW3 had broken out during Johnstone's lifetime...
After marrying two flat characters and masturbating over the idea of Johnstone's idea of perfect government, Ike and his harem leave the tower and head of Mississippi and the new nation of New Africa. Raines starts writing his book, then starts masturbating again. He apparently does this all winter. So it's been at least a year since WW3. Ben's apparently lived off of what he salvaged back from his home for the winter he spent with Jerre, since they were apparently holed up for the entire season, and they continued to keep him until now. The narrator talks a lot about the looting the country's gone through, always in a disgusted tone, but we never actually hear Raines having to scavenge for some food. I don't know why; I can already think of a very interesting scene or two based on it. You could further develop his character, other characters also rummaging for food, force him to actually interact with the faceless masses. But no; apparently, as Ubermensch, Ben is above such thing.
Ben travels to Knoxville, where he discovers, gasp, And they're actual people working to rebuild civilization! And they're not (yet) Rebels! This provides, again, what could have been an interesting scene. It turns out that Logan is now President and resettling people into several centralized areas of three or four states, focused on getting agriculture, industry, business, etc. going again, then expanding into the West again when the nation is back on its feet. And people are going along with it. And, of course, this is treated as the stupidest thing since the Germans ignored the concentration camps.
I'll end this here, because it's getting a bit long, but I want to end with one rather pertinent thought:
Why is this a bad thing? Unless I'm missing something big, it's actually the best strategy presented in the whole series. Concentrate your power and ensure the safety of the people by bringing them into a concentrated, easier-to-defend area. Build your power, get your economy and industry back up to snuff. Then, when you're ready, expand West, using your military to crush any would-be warlords that have arisen in your absence, after giving them an opportunity to rejoin your new USA quietly. Certainly better than Raines' own plan later, which involves stretching his forces so thin that his most constant problem is lack of personnel. In fact, if we hadn't already been informed that Hilton Logan is evil, then we could continue painting him as a hero just doing what he thinks is right. And, for all we know, the general was lying. Hell, here's a scenario for you:
Rogue, pro-dictatorship elements in the Army sent a group of criminals to meet Raines and told them what to say. The criminals are told that, if they say their lines and then kill Raines, they'll be free. It's odd, but hey, it's a shot. If they killed Raines, then the Rebels, a threat to this rogue group's plans for their own personal dictatorship, are crippled. If they fail, then they ensure that the Rebels and the New US will do their damndest to kill each other. It's the perfect plan, especially when dealing with Ben Raines, who already has an insane grudge against the New US's leader, Hilton Logan, and has proven to be insanely gullible when it suits his needs.
I would love to rewrite this one day.
Well, farewell, and may all your books be better than this one. Not that it's that hard...Eragon was better than this. Hell, ANTHEM was better than this...
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
I'm Back; or Good Novels, Average Movies and Bad Books
After the last update, I kind of lost my will to continue this project. Why? Because I was just about worn out. This is really one of the most horrible books I have ever read. So, I took myself off the hook, blog-wise, for a little over a month. I wasn't even going to come back; Lord knows I've ended up abandoning blogs before. Then, I saw a certain film that somehow convinced me to return. It's called Parasite Eve.
As the title of this update should tell you, it is not the world's best film. In fact, if I had to classify it, I'd say it's "so okay it's average". The basic idea of the story is that mitochondria are sentient, powerful, and about to revolt and try to destroy humanity. It's best known here in the States for the Playstation 1 game that was based on it. Also called Parasite Eve, this game was what defined the word "horror" for me. It was the single scariest thing I'd ever seen, and remains at #2 on that list to this day. Even then I knew it was a stupid concept, but it was so ridiculously well-done that I could ignore that. Even the movie, which certainly isn't anything to write home about, managed to get me into the story. Granted, it's J-Horror, so I couldn't understand half of it, but it still manages to be an okay flick.
That one element, execution, is what can save a stupid story from being a bad experience. And, let's face it, Johnstone's scenario is really stupid at the end of the day. The difference between Out of the Ashes and Parasite Eve...or, heck, Battle Royale (which I love, but is in no way a work of art) is that Johnstone doesn't have the faintest idea of how to pull this one off. For example, look at how he treats the villains of the novel. Let's compare it to Battle Royale this time (the villains of Parasite Eve are a collection of sentient microscopic organisms; there's not much chance for character development). The longest-lasting and most dangerous villains in Battle Royale are Mitsuko Soma and Kazuo Kiriyama. The author devotes several sections of the novel to developing these two and setting them up as legitimate threats. Throughout the novel, it's hinted at that these two are the most dangerous enemies our heroes will have, and we even get to use them as viewpoint characters several times. You can understand why they do what they do, and what led them to it. Indeed, the amazing level of character development is one of the reasons why I love that novel so much.
Now, look at the villain of Out of the Ashes, Hilton Logan. We're first introduced to his character when one of his opponents is complaining about him. Okay, I can accept that. We don't go through, say, the Harry Potter books following Lord Voldemort. No, Rowling hints and implies his great evil and power, and by the time we meet him, we can be genuinely creeped out by him, and genuinely cheer for the people fighting him. However, until we meet Logan later in the book, all we ever hear about him is that he is A) An evl librul, and B) That he somehow banned private ownership of guns in the USA. Not exactly Caligula, is he? When we meet him again, he seems even less evil. In fact, he seems downright heroic. In the middle of a crisis, when his nation had descended into anarchy and chaos, he stepped up, took command, and began a fight to restore some kind of order to the world. That takes some major guts; you're standing up to several dozen literal warlords, and you're winning. In any other series, Logan would be the hero here. Instead, the "real hero" of the piece spends his entire meeting with Logan trying to provoke the man. And we're expected to root for him. Finally, when Ben meets the military men in the last update, we discover that, for some reason, Logan is planning to enslave every non-Caucasian American in North and South America, at least. Where did that come out from? Where was that foreshadowed, or indicated in the slightest way? And why, suddenly, is the military leadership supporting this?
Undeveloped and out-of-nowhere villains aren't even the chiefest of Johnstone's sins. His "heroic" Author Avatar is almost a sociopath, your political party almost always determines your moral status, there's no continuity between chapters, the series is the poster child for Disposable-Woman syndrome, and the list goes on and on!
And those are not even necessarily all bad things! Take, for example, the "Raines almost a sociopath" point. That's not necessarily a damning character trait. Look at Roland from Stephen King's The Dark Tower series. He begins the story as a cold, heartless character, who is willing to let a child he cares about die if it'll help him reach his goals. Over the course of the novels, as he picks up friends and continues his travels, he learns to open his heart again and care about people. It's a truly touching bit of character development. This is highlighted in the final book of the series, when Roland offers to let Mordred, his evil and insane child, live, in exchange for sparing Roland's friend and companion Oy. Mordred, of course, refuses and kills Oy in a terrible way. Following Roland's victory, he buries and mourns Oy, and I admit that, when reading this, many manly tears were shed.
Raines, of course, never gets this kind of development. In fact, any development he gets in a given book disappears at the start of the next book. All that changes is that he gets older, and that the amount of territory his side holds fluctuates.
I think I'll end it there, before I end up ranting into the late of night. I'll probably have the next update up tomorrow, unless I suddenly lose my drive. Until then, adios, and may all your reading be good.
As the title of this update should tell you, it is not the world's best film. In fact, if I had to classify it, I'd say it's "so okay it's average". The basic idea of the story is that mitochondria are sentient, powerful, and about to revolt and try to destroy humanity. It's best known here in the States for the Playstation 1 game that was based on it. Also called Parasite Eve, this game was what defined the word "horror" for me. It was the single scariest thing I'd ever seen, and remains at #2 on that list to this day. Even then I knew it was a stupid concept, but it was so ridiculously well-done that I could ignore that. Even the movie, which certainly isn't anything to write home about, managed to get me into the story. Granted, it's J-Horror, so I couldn't understand half of it, but it still manages to be an okay flick.
That one element, execution, is what can save a stupid story from being a bad experience. And, let's face it, Johnstone's scenario is really stupid at the end of the day. The difference between Out of the Ashes and Parasite Eve...or, heck, Battle Royale (which I love, but is in no way a work of art) is that Johnstone doesn't have the faintest idea of how to pull this one off. For example, look at how he treats the villains of the novel. Let's compare it to Battle Royale this time (the villains of Parasite Eve are a collection of sentient microscopic organisms; there's not much chance for character development). The longest-lasting and most dangerous villains in Battle Royale are Mitsuko Soma and Kazuo Kiriyama. The author devotes several sections of the novel to developing these two and setting them up as legitimate threats. Throughout the novel, it's hinted at that these two are the most dangerous enemies our heroes will have, and we even get to use them as viewpoint characters several times. You can understand why they do what they do, and what led them to it. Indeed, the amazing level of character development is one of the reasons why I love that novel so much.
Now, look at the villain of Out of the Ashes, Hilton Logan. We're first introduced to his character when one of his opponents is complaining about him. Okay, I can accept that. We don't go through, say, the Harry Potter books following Lord Voldemort. No, Rowling hints and implies his great evil and power, and by the time we meet him, we can be genuinely creeped out by him, and genuinely cheer for the people fighting him. However, until we meet Logan later in the book, all we ever hear about him is that he is A) An evl librul, and B) That he somehow banned private ownership of guns in the USA. Not exactly Caligula, is he? When we meet him again, he seems even less evil. In fact, he seems downright heroic. In the middle of a crisis, when his nation had descended into anarchy and chaos, he stepped up, took command, and began a fight to restore some kind of order to the world. That takes some major guts; you're standing up to several dozen literal warlords, and you're winning. In any other series, Logan would be the hero here. Instead, the "real hero" of the piece spends his entire meeting with Logan trying to provoke the man. And we're expected to root for him. Finally, when Ben meets the military men in the last update, we discover that, for some reason, Logan is planning to enslave every non-Caucasian American in North and South America, at least. Where did that come out from? Where was that foreshadowed, or indicated in the slightest way? And why, suddenly, is the military leadership supporting this?
Undeveloped and out-of-nowhere villains aren't even the chiefest of Johnstone's sins. His "heroic" Author Avatar is almost a sociopath, your political party almost always determines your moral status, there's no continuity between chapters, the series is the poster child for Disposable-Woman syndrome, and the list goes on and on!
And those are not even necessarily all bad things! Take, for example, the "Raines almost a sociopath" point. That's not necessarily a damning character trait. Look at Roland from Stephen King's The Dark Tower series. He begins the story as a cold, heartless character, who is willing to let a child he cares about die if it'll help him reach his goals. Over the course of the novels, as he picks up friends and continues his travels, he learns to open his heart again and care about people. It's a truly touching bit of character development. This is highlighted in the final book of the series, when Roland offers to let Mordred, his evil and insane child, live, in exchange for sparing Roland's friend and companion Oy. Mordred, of course, refuses and kills Oy in a terrible way. Following Roland's victory, he buries and mourns Oy, and I admit that, when reading this, many manly tears were shed.
Raines, of course, never gets this kind of development. In fact, any development he gets in a given book disappears at the start of the next book. All that changes is that he gets older, and that the amount of territory his side holds fluctuates.
I think I'll end it there, before I end up ranting into the late of night. I'll probably have the next update up tomorrow, unless I suddenly lose my drive. Until then, adios, and may all your reading be good.
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