Anthem Part 3; or, Ayn Rand Loves Making Me Nuts

I can understand that this is suppose to be a novella. Which means, according Wikipedia: "A written, fictional, prose narrative longer than a novelette but shorter than a novel. While there is disagreement as to what length defines a novella, the Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America Nebula Awards for science fiction define the novella as having a word count between 17,500 and 40,000."

So, Mrs. Rand set out to write a short novel. The trouble with that idea is that the first half of it reads like the beginning of a novel. Sections I and II of Anthem take up 51 pages out of 105. Roughly half the novel in the first two sections. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. Logically (and isn't Rand supposed to be logical?), part III would see the Wimp facing the novella's conflict, and part IV would see him either winning or...this is Ayn Rand, so winning. He is the great logical hero, after all.

So you reach part III, in which the Wimp...discovers electricity? I'm a sci-fi fan, so I find absolutely no problem with this scene. Granted, it's about now that he starts to sound like Dr. Horrible, but it's legitimate character development. It almost makes me want to have a little more respect for Rand's abilities. Wonder how the rest of part III will go...

Okay, so part III lasted exactly three pages. A little odd, I suppose, but the Wimp made his major discovery. Perhaps a very long part IV will show him introducing it to society, changing the world or some such.

...no, part IV shows another meeting with THE GOLDEN ONE *sparkles*. So far as I can see, this has absolutely no bearing on the story whatsoever. Apparently, THE GOLDEN ONE *sparkles* has given the Wimp a name: the Unconquered. If I may point out, these two have had, what, one conversation that we've seen so far? Rand doesn't hint that they've ever met again as far as I can see, so they've now had a total of two short conversations. The first established their ages (she's 17, he's 20 or so by this point) and their undying love for each other. Based off the Wimp stalking her and her being flattered.

I don't know, maybe the nickname's worth it. After all, the Ominous Councils of Ominousness have apparently destroyed human sexuality, so I suppose I shouldn't be that surprised that...

You know what? I'm going to ignore this section now. It serves no point but to infuriate me. Maybe part V will actually give me some more of that part III semi-enjoyment...

Nope. It's him discovering the light bulb and having a mental orgasm at the idea that he did it himself. And yet more purple prose from the street sweeper. Do I really have to beat that particular dead horse again?

So, he's determined to guard the light bulb and present it to the Scholars as a work he created on his own. In a society that despises such things. And that has intentionally and knowingly left behind such things. And who you readily admit would smash the thing if any but the Scholars knew of it.

...yes, I can see no possible way this could go wrong.

So, after an astonishing four pages of part V, we go on to part VI. Did the Scholars like his strange creation that he made himself nerdgasm? We don't know; before we can learn about the conflict of the story, we're treated to a scene where he's taken away to jail because he's finally caught away from the collective. They beat him within an inch of his life, but he still refuses to tell them.

Apparently, he lost his mental virginity to the light bulb and is now A MAN, because he not only survives, but keeps his secret. They put him in his cell...which is sealed with an old lock. As he breaks it, we're informed that there are no guards in the prison because nobody would defy the OCoO. Yes folks, despite the need for a prison, nobody would dare to defy...you know what? Let's just move on, nothing else happens here anyway.

Part VII is...actually important to the story, so I kind of have to talk about it. Basically, THE MAN (which I shall be calling him until something else occurs) presents his light bulb to the Scholars. Who not only reject him, but decide to kill him. See, there's this big plan written up to apparently govern the whole world's development so detailed that the introduction of the candle took 50 years and messed up the plan so badly that it had to be rewritten. I assume that you all have the mental ability to detect the stupid in this paragraph alone.

When the Scholars try to destroy his light bulb, THE MAN grabs it, breaks out through a window, then runs away into the prerequisite ominous forest despite the wounds such things tend to cause. Because, you know, all good stories need the prerequisite ominous forest. This was touched upon earlier, but I ignored it. Because, to be quite honest, aside from possible symbolism, it's not very important that it's a forest.

Blah blah blah, two more parts that could be summed up in a paragraph. THE MAN stumbles through the forest slowly starving. After he collapses, THE GOLDEN ONE *sparkles* arrives and saves him. They say outright that they love each other...

PROBLEM! How do they even know how to say this? Were I Rand's villains, I would have killed that particular word ages ago. It implies a certain depth of feeling that suggests you have it for one thing and not another. For instance, I love my mother. I like my friend Zach well enough. When you've got the entire population wrapped around your finger, probably drugged, and you want them to become collectivist drones, I don't even see the need to teach the drones how to speak at all, beyond the basics they need to be ordered around. I sure as hell wouldn't teach them the meanings of words like "love".

...let's just end this mockery of literature before I have to kill someone. Anyway, the duo find a house that, despite the tide of years, is somehow not only livable, but contains clothing and books and beds and all the conveniences one can expect. Including dictionaries, where he learns "I". I think it's supposed to be an emotional scene, but about now he switches from Dr. Horrible to a self-centered jerk. Rand's perfect man, from what I gathered.

It's also major character derailment for THE GOLDEN ONE *sparkles*. Our former proud, shining example of feminism is revealed to be...a vain and easily-dominated little lady. When she discovers a mirror, she spends long periods of time staring at herself. In addition, our newly jerkish narrator decides to give her a name. Which she docily accepts at once, without a moment's hesitation. Way to portray a positive female, Rand.

You'd expact that the woman who later wrote a book called "The Virtue of Selfishness" would have her female lead be a bit more...assertive...about her own life, if nothing else. But from the instant they escaped, she's just gone along with THE MAN in every way, shape, and form. Aside from when she was busy being vain.

THE MAN talks about freeing others from the society they just escaped. I think it's supposed to be inspirational, but it just comes off as narm to me. And then we get this delightful little passage:

"For here, over the portals of my fort, I shall cut in the stone the word which is to be my beacon and my banner. The word that will not die, should we all perish in battle. The word which can never die on this earth, for it is the heart of it and the meaning and the glory.

The sacred word:

EGO"

Do I really have to say more?

Anthem Part 2; or, Solid Snake Kills the Wimp

Oh I so wish this would happen. It would make a truly interesting story. Who wouldn't enjoy watching everyone's favorite hero tearing this stupid society a new one? I really wish someone would share my vision, maybe write a decent fanfic on the subject. Because I could guaran-dang-tee you that it would be better than Anthem.

Why am I stalling? Because, quite frankly, I do not want to go any further. I'd forgotten just how bad this book is. This is what happens when you let a book sit on your shelf gathering dust; you convince yourself that it could not POSSIBLY have been that bad. Nostalgia goggles blind you to just how terrible things are, I suppose.

...okay. If I keep stalling, I'll never finish this book and I can't move on to something decent. So, here we go again, back to the Land of the Stupid.

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So, when we last left the Wimp, he was moaning about his childhood. He was indoctrinated from birth, denied his favored profession, and made a street sweeper.

I want to pause (again) to make a point about just how awkwardly written this book is. I see what Rand was trying to do, once again, I really do, but there's no real reasoning behind it. (Edit: I suppose in-universe there's a reason, but I addressed this in the last post) Every "I" is replaced with "we", which is just confusing. If you give this book to someone that's an average Joe, instead of an Objectivist or a book fanatic, they stand a good chance of getting confused. I know my high school class certainly was. In addition, they refer to different characters by a random, Communistic-patriotic word followed by a string of numbers. Example: the Wimp's real designation is Equality 7-2521.

The characters, the Wimp included, read like they're saying these aloud. Or thinking them, as is more often the Wimp's case. Try saying the above example aloud. Don't know about you, but I'd say it's a tad clunky. Why can't we just call the Wimp Ted, his fellow street sweepers Bill and Dave, and the chick he meets in a little while Sally? Because, again, non-Objectivists are morons and seem to think that individual names will poison the people and break them free of their ridiculous society.

...not that I will call him Ted, of course, because I find "the Wimp" amusing.

Anyway, the plot thickens as, one day, the Wimp, Bill, and Dave find a strange grated hole in the city's cesspit. The Wimp goes down, which is apparently also forbidden, and finds himself in *dum dum dum* a subway! Not that he knows it, Rand's society having done away with such useless things as mass transport years ago, along with the power motor and common sense.

She then proceeds to break her own rules. While Dave is having a seizure, the Wimp gets Bill to promise not to tell the Ominous Councils of Ominousness about the Wimp going into the hole. I wish to remind the author that, for the past 18 pages (yes, I summed up about ten pages in a few sentences), she has been telling us how they’ve been brainwashing these kids from birth to obey the OCoO and the rules down to the last letter. Yet, suddenly, the Power of Friendship overcomes years and years of brainwashing? Rand wrote this when she was 32, though, which…isn’t young at all. I really don’t see an excuse for this wonderful example of Bad Writing.

Having made Bill promise to keep his illicit hole-entering a secret, the Wimp starts going there every night. Nobody notices, because they’re supposed to be watching Evil Communist Plays in a giant, poorly-lit, and completely unguarded theater. I choose to believe that they think they’ve subjugated all thought by this point, because other than that, I can find no possible reason for not having someone watching the doors.

Also, apparently we’re in some bizarre section of the Discworld, because the street sweepers can go everywhere unnoticed. Seriously, the Wimp tells us he’s stolen candles from the Home of the Street Sweepers and bricks from the city street. These would not be as illogical, and could be forgiven by me. Then, he tells us he’s stolen stuff from the Home of the Scholars. Did the inventory list die along with a round Earth and the light bulb? And nobody notices the Wimp stealing possibly dangerous powders and solutions? He’s not a trained Scholar; for all he knows, he’s stealing freakin’ nitroglycerine!

Again, a much more interesting story. “The Wimp Blows Up”. I’d read it.

Even worse, this guy steals, of all things, BOOKS! Hand-copied books that apparently take a year apiece to make. Nobody appears to notice him walking around with a bulge under his tunic, or whatever exactly he’s wearing in this futuristic society. If he hadn’t somehow managed to sneak off with this, I’d have assumed they all walk around naked. I would not put it past them by this point to have banned cloth-making.

At least he promotes homeschooling before he ends the first section. Apparently, he learned more in two years of being down in his hole than he did in ten years as a student. Purple prose, once again, is an exception.

So, two freaking years. Nobody’s noticed him running away and stealing supplies for two. Freaking. Years. Remember in part one, where I supposed that the villains had slipped something in the water? New theory: they’re drinking it too. There is no other possible explanation.

Thankfully, we’re done with the first part. No more of the Wimp’s backstory! Yes! Now, we can move on to the really exciting bits, in which our moronic hero is discovered and killed, and a more interesting protagonist discovers what he did and carries on his legacy!

If only.

Okay, so, on to Section 2. Here, we’re introduced to the female lead, Liberty 5-3000. Say it with me: Liberty five-three thousand. This was not a good idea. For convenience, I do now dub her Sally. Just for continuity's sake. Anyway, Sally is described as perfect in every way as she’s…working the field. Yes, dear Sally is a farmer, which is not work truly conducive to become “straight and thin as a blade of iron”. Farming, particularly in a pre-Industrial society, was very hard work. It did not make you thin, it gave you muscles. So, for the sake of consistency, I’ll assume that all Sally does is dramatically throw seeds, as she’s doing at this moment.

So, Sally is perfectly beautiful and apparently haughty and proud, and the Wimp is enthralled. So, obviously, is she, because she’s faced with the hero. Were I in her position, I would notice that I am being constantly watched by a creepy street sweeper every time we’re in the same area and report him or something. Yet the author treats this as in no way, shape, or form creepy, despite the society they live in. Rand had a very interesting romance, I think. Probably the same kind that Stephenie Meyer went through. Also, even if I could accept the Wimp breaking free of his condition, what're the odds that his perfect gal had the exact same reaction?

*Crickets*

Anyway, after a while, the Wimp gives Sally a name: THE GOLDEN ONE *sparkles*. On second thought, let’s call her that. Sound effect included.

It is here that we learn that Rand is slipping something more than the Stupid Drug into the water in this society. Yes, friends, they’ve even regulated sex drive. How exactly do you stop a young man from getting horny without the use of powerful, mind-altering drugs? Don’t ask me, I’m not an Objectivist. Maybe they've slipped them enough stuff over the years that it's just genetic, I don't know.

Anyway, the Wimp and THE GOLDEN ONE *sparkles* eventually talk and declare their undying love for each other and go out Romeo-and-Juliet style.

Again, it would make a much better book.

No, they part here, and the Wimp returns to his hole, where he thinks about the past as he knows it. That is, as he DOESN’T know it. Here, the OCoO have actually made a good choice. You don’t let the plebs know that there was anything good in the past, or you run a bigger chance of them wanting to return there.

Here we also learn about the Unspeakable Word *drama*, the knowing of which is apparently a burning offense. What is it? We don’t know…but it’s gotta be something totally awesome, Earth-shattering, something that’ll bring the society to its knees!

…of course, remembering what story I’m reading at the moment, I doubt it. Very much.

I have to stop here. This level of badness for someone like me is worthy of an award. And people are supposed to be inspired by this?

...

...

As I search for words to end this entry, my dear reader, all I can say is "sweet zombie Jesus, I have to read more of this!" At least the Wimp gets what's coming to him in the next chapter for being Book Dumb. Maybe I'll get lucky and my memory is failing. Maybe they actually killed him, and I just forgot!

...please, Undead Christ, tell me I'm right!

Anthem Part 1; or, They Killed Mankind's Brain

The first paragraph of a story is always important. It tells you what the story is about, serves to hook your interest, maybe introduce you to the main character. In a first-person novel, like Anthem, it gives you the narrators first thoughts, introduces him as a person. It's supposed to make you interested in him and his plight, whatever it is. Let's see how Rand handled this most important section of the tale:

"It is a sin to write this. It is a sin to think words no others think and to put them down upon a paper no others are to see. It is base and evil. It is as if we were speaking alone to no ears but our own. And we know well that there is no transgression blacker than to do or think alone. We have broken the laws. The laws say that men may not write unless the Council of Vocations bid them so. May we be forgiven!"

Let me tell you what I get from this first paragraph. First off, the character is defined by his fear of being caught. That, and his knowledge of the really stupid rules of his society. I'll get to the society later, but let's just focus on the narrator. He's got a designation (another thing that bugs me), but for now, I'll just call him the Wimp.

The Wimp is, at this moment, sitting underground scribbling on paper. As we'll learn later, he's a street sweeper. A street sweeper capable of purple prose, apparently. Later on, it describes his education process, which is basically rote memorization with a hatred of overly inquisitive students. The Wimp was, of course, one such child, who wanted with all his heart to be a researcher, an inventor, a Scholar! *Cue angelic music*.

Here I want to point out a minor problem with this society. Apparently, at one point, these people decided that the best way to end the world's problems (after a nuclear war, I think) was to give up individuality. To the point where the word "I" has been removed from the dictionary. This is, as I'm sure all of you must know, complete and utter bull.

It's called suspension of disbelief, Mrs. Rand. It's when you call upon your readers to accept something ridiculous for the sake of the story. You can, and have, stressed it too far. I would be swearing, but I've got some respect for the dead. People who do not agree with your ideology are not all sheeple. Nobody I've ever known in even the most oblique sense would ever do this. Human beings enjoy their individuality. The shock of nuclear war would not be enough to do this.

So, in order to preserve my rapidly straining sanity (I'm on page 5!), I'll just assume that mind controlling drugs were involved at one point.

Anyway, The Ominous Councils of Ominousness knows of the Wimp's intellectual tendencies and, not liking them, makes him a street sweeper. Might I point out that you wouldn't have this problem if you didn't educate your citizenry well enough to produce purple prose? Teach the plebs that 2+2=5, put on the conical cap, and give the idiots something to do! Heck, if you must keep the very good education for all, you could say he was sent elsewhere and kill him if you truly want to stifle intellectuality. Even when Rand's villains are in charge of everything, they act like morons. Which is of course Rand's deranged point. I don't think she believes that people can be truly smart unless they're Objectivists at this point.

May I also take this opportunity to point out that they brainwash these children from birth? Somehow, the Wimp manages to break out of this with no trouble. Him and only him. Again, we'll deal with this issue later. Let's just get back into this muck.

The OCoO have as their apparent goal the destruction of human thought. If you're "useless" (my words, not Rand's), you don't deserve to live. If you like science more than history, you're evil and deserve punishment. If you believe in a round Earth....wha?

Another passage from Anthem, about what these kids learn:

"We learned that the earth is flat and that the sun revolves around it, which causes the day and the night. We learned the names of all the winds, which blow over the seas and push the sails of our great ships. We learned how to bleed men to cure them of all ailments."

So, for some reason, they're Medival. I can understand abandoning lots of sciences in the case of an almost Earth-shattering nuclear war. But is there any practical reason to remove the fact that the Earth is round? It's not as if things were more peaceful with a flat Earth. I think that this is more of Rand insisting that all people who aren't on her side are completely illogical, but it just strikes me as Bad Writing on her part. Again.

You know, I'm 8 pages into this turkey and I'm already wondering if jumping off my roof will kill me. I think I have to end this now, before I really do.

Tomorrow, we shall continue the Tale of the Wimp, which includes such tremendous discoveries as sex drive. Assuming I can get as far as Section 2 before I have to stop again.

Let me just say that you could sum this whole entry up with the title: They Killed Mankind's Brain. Or, better yet, Ayn Rand Killed Mankind's Brain to Facilitate a Stupid Backstory.

...

...I will not speak ill of the dead, I will not speak ill of the dead, I will not speak ill of the dead...

Author Preview #1: Ayn Rand; or, Ayn Rand was Awful

I'll come right out and say it right now: I hate Ayn Rand. Everything I've ever read by her serves as nothing more than an Author Tract about her theory, Objectivism. Her stories, almost undeniably, suffer for it. Somehow, though, she's become one of the most influential authors in America.

At least, that's what the Atlas Society believes. Me, I've read her stuff. Ayn Rand was a sociopath, among other things, which she considered a virtue based on what I know about Objectivism. Most sociopaths are viewed with fear and loathing when their views come to light. Rand is celebrated. Go figure.

I do not personally have a copy of Atlas Shrugged, the manifesto of Objectivism and often regarded (by fans) as Rand's best work. I do, in fact, specifically avoid the book, for two very important reasons. 1) It's long, boring, and full of Author Filibusters. 2) When you buy an enhanced edition (which, I am told, contain essays from Rand's supporters), it has more pages than the Bible. Did I mention it's astonishing length? No way am I going to read something that long. I have better things I could do with my time. Like strangle puppies, or start World War 3.

I do, however, have Anthem, which was forced on me in high school by my English teacher. It was written in 1938 by Rand, and concerns a dystopian society and a man fighting to escape from it. Sounds at least decent, no? The concept is. The execution...not so much.

Rand's dystopia, for one, is just goofy. Outside the mind of an Objectivist (which, as I indicated above, I do not see as entirely right), such a society could never, ever come to exist. I'll indicate why as I move through the novel.

In addition, the protagonist is unlikable to the extreme. He reads increasingly like a mad scientist, in a bad way. Him as a hero; in the insane context it makes sense, but in the logical world Rand supposedly wants, it just don't. The female lead is no better. She starts out as a strong, independent woman. She ends up as a slave to his will.

I want to burn this book. I cannot tell you how much I want to remove this book from existence. Still, it's against my policy, which is to to keep every book I have.

I'm starting to regret this policy.

Anyway, I'll start on the book now. If my sanity breaks from having to read this thing yet again, tell my non-existent wife I loved her.

Me; or, Why I'm Doing This

I like books. That is all.






Seriously, though, I have a ton of them. And, like all major readers, I have lots of thoughts on what I read. This little blog thingy is my way of letting those thoughts out before they drive me nuts.

That's the skinny of it. Anyone reading this is going to be listening to me complain about the thousands of stories I have in my collection. I am going to be doing a section-by-section look at as much of my collection as I can before I die.

Seriously, this is going to be boring to all but my fellow nuts. You're on the internet; there's a hundred more interesting things to do.

I'm warning you now, things get honestly and truly dull from here on out.

...

If you're still reading this, welcome on board. Even if I don't have readers, I'll still be doing this. It's more of a vanity project than anything. Those of you who do come here, feel free to call me an idiot.

Well, I'll get started picking my first book. See you later, Ghost Readers.

P.S.: In case you're wondering about the weird title for my blog, it comes from one of my favorite quotes on the subject of books.

"Wear the old coat, and buy the new book." - Austin Phelps